RSS FeedHow I Landed A $50/hr Side Gig With Very Little Effort & How It Relates To Picking Up Chicks
As many of you may know, I recently resigned from my job at the NHL. The reasons for that are straightforward yet belong in another blog post, so we won’t digress. Anyway, I was saving more than I was earning, but even though I had enough for a month or two of rent, plus groceries, I decided it wouldn’t be a bad idea to attract some extra money into my life.
I did two things: I posted an ad on Craigslist, in the NYC resume section, advertising myself (http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/1563000834.html), and I replied to a a handful of jobs in the “gigs”/computer section.
Lemma: Chasing Talent
Back when I was single and into running around and meeting women, it would be common to meet a chick and exchange numbers. Although some feisty young ladies were proactive in establishing contact with me, most of the time, the burden fell unto me to solidify the connection. This meant calling or texting them. Naturally, some of these numbers led to further relations, whereas others fizzled out to the point that, well, continuing to pursue would have been weird.
So what went wrong with some girls and what went right with the others?
I’d call it Confidence, but that idea is so overplayed in the dating/mating/fucking game, and is sullied by so much “fake it til you make it bullshit” that actually does not yield real results, that we are forced to use another concept.
Abundance, Indifference, Value-Giving
Let’s say I met a girl and wanted to send her a text. When I was tripping out about the text that I wanted to send, then even if I could somehow manage to perfectly micromanage a witty exchange, something would go inevitably go wrong and the relationship would not be successful.
It makes sense. If I couldn’t even sustain an initial, casual, textual interaction, how could I maintain any sort of extended relationship? [In any sense of the word, "relationship"..]
Obsessing over an individual chick, or text, actually implies a laundry list of problems, all relating to:
Scarcity
Scarcity: why would you care about any individual woman if you have access to a lot of them? The phenomenon of “social proof” is remarkably important in the majority of human consciousness, and albeit a blunt generalization, women only want what other women want. Dating, for men, is typically a winner-take-all market (not my phrasing but instead someone’s from Hacker News, it’s oh so apt that I had to borrow it). Why does it work this way? Why is social proof so important for consciousness? Because otherwise, people would have to *individually* critically evaluate each thing they would want to evaluate, and that’s such a waste of energy. Relying on other people’s feedback is a nifty shortcut that became hardwired into our postmonkey brains.
So yeah. If I just acted naturally, without tweaking, I did so because I knew I was good enough, and the subtle details which fall into place as a consequence of your casual, abundant frame…will very quickly paint a very attractive picture, or very quickly paint an unattractive one. Either way, they’ll paint an accurate picture, and it’s more efficient for you in terms of energy, as well as for them. It’s more honest, and non-manipulative, which is something I think we could all strive for.
(Philosophers: I tend to describe myself as philosophically immature for good reason. I’m not really sure how to interpret Plato’s Republic, which encourages manipulation (via the noble lies about creation) as a crucial element of a just society. Maybe they’re justifiable via the essential notion that we all really know nothing, so what does the actual content of a thought matter? To be discussed later, in tandem with an important post on how abundance mentality relates to the allegory of the cave)
And to reiterate, Specific details of a successful text/phonecall, really are irrelevant, because even if you micromanage them successfully, you will inevitably fuck up somewhere…trust me, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. The only thing you can do is say the first thing that comes to mind – WHATEVER it is, even if you think it will ultimately backstab you, because you say something stupid, and then do your best to put it out of your mind. Human interaction is more about subtle social signals than words, anyway. (And that, too, is the subject for another post).
Responding to Craigslist Ads
Like Lil Wanye, back to the money. I adopted the same attitude to my craigslist gig responses as I did to my successful phone flirtations: concise, friendly, abundant, value-offering, indifferent. I introduced myself, explained how I could benefit them, and gave them info on how to contact me.
Value Offering vs Value Taking
The notion of value offering is very different from value taking. Value offering coincides with abundance mentality; value taking coincides with scarcity mentality. When you are value offering, you really want to help the other person. You want to present them with the truth and honestly evaluate how you could meet their needs, rather than manipulating and micromanaging to get your end of the deal. You create a win-win situation.
Important Tangent: You Have Complete Control Over The Universe Because It Only Exists In Your Head
The notion of an abundance mentality is simple to accept once you realize that the universe is really only a product of your own consciousness, and that you have the power to change the world. In the great Scorsese movie The Departed, Jack Nicholson’s character opens the movie with an important monologue: “I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.” And it’s true, your environment can be a function of you, rather than you being a function of your environment. All it takes is diligence, decision, education, and some sorts of enlightenment. By the way, if you want me to expand on this notion further, I would be delighted to do so in a subsequent blog post, just encourage me to write it. BTW, if you don’t own The Departed, get it here from Amazon for only $8.99. Seriously, it has excellent dialogue, intriguing motifs, exposition of human nature, and it’s not too absurd. Plus it has Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin and Jack Nicholson and Leonardo DiCaprio. Leonardo, btw, is amazing. I used to call him “Leonardo DiCraprio” in 5th grade because I was jealous of all the girls getting slippery cuz of Titanic. Guess I thought I myself was pretty crappy.
Anyway, this one guy got back to me. He said that he was “meeting with people” on a few different days, and we scheduled a time to meet in their fancy midtown manhattan marketing agency.
The Day Of The Interview
In an unrelated event, earlier in the day, I met up with my friend Devin at the BeExtraordinary (beex.org) office in SoHo, to discuss the possibility of helping them out with some stuff. They have a fundraising/organization platform for prosocial causes. The time is flying by and I notice that my meeting downtown is in 20 minutes. Uh oh.
I hop on my longboard, skate to the train, hop on the train, walk to the car nearest the exit (to reduce my commute time), get out, navigate to the building, stop to compliment a beautiful stranger along the way, and make it to the building after asking directions from a doorman. I make it up, and at this point I’m sweaty, unshaven, wearing a sweatshirt and carrying a longboard in the waiting room. I neglected to dress up for this “interview.”
Dude comes out to meet me. He explains that “this will be a short meeting”, implying that he will only give me a couple minutes of time, due to his busy schedule or possibly my appearance. That’s fine. I tell him “that’s cool dude.” I treat him like my friend, because he is.
Reiterating: Other people are only projections of your own consciousness. If you are not a friend to everyone then you are not a friend to yourself. Incidentally, this coincides with the notion that being pure evil and being pure good are actually the same thing.
We get to the office and I make it a point of actually listening intently to his problems. I absorb it. My goal is to provide value, provide a solution; if I do not understand the problem completely, I cannot provide the best solution. Instead of wasting mental energy, stressing on how we only have a couple minutes together, I decide to dedicate my mental processes to actually listening. With my spare mental cycles I am more apt to suggest elegant solutions. He later reveals that he is very busy and harried with an important project for a big client; but because I want to focus on his need instead of my own, I can extend the interview if I am actually helping him with his problem.
Ultimately, he hires me on the spot to do some work that very evening.
Negotiations
He offers $25/hr. I tell him that’s too low. I know my own value. He then raises it to $50/hr. I accept with alacrity although I note it is lower than my usual rate. It’s just not worth it to haggle over prices to the max; it’s a result of scarcity thinking, and it burns good will, and may actually decrease your intrinsic motivation. I’m sure a lot of people my age (22) might be wondering how I can justify $50/hr as significantly lower than my usual rate. I’m happy to explain in a future blog post, if you so desire, but the quick answer is that a couple years ago I experimented with raising my prices super high just for the fuck of it, and wound up shocked when I found out that people were actually willing to pay it! (I’ll write another post about negotiations at some point, but really, it’s a consequence of doing the math and FOILing things out. If the alegbra metaphor doesn’t make sense, what I mean is that once you internalize the core principle of reality being a projection of your consciousness, you just need to make certain logical deductions, combined with experimentation, in order to find out practical tactics for getting what you want)
Success
Later, when I got home, I spent some time doing work to help him out; he loved it, and we are meeting once again to establish the future of a potential relationship. It’s important that he be grateful for what I do. Otherwise, I am not reflecting abundance, because I would be providing a useless service. It’s important to focus on useful, effective, appreciated, loved services. You can’t cheat others without cheating yourself.
February 4th, 2010 at 10:10 am
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February 4th, 2010 at 11:25 am
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February 4th, 2010 at 11:33 am
“I experimented with raising my prices super high…”
I did this at the advice of a boss who tried it and did rather well. My career went up a notch for it. Not only will you make more money, your perceived value to the client goes up. You end up with more respect and more money. One does have to have the needed skills to do this long term, but I think many people out there do have the skills and are underpaid.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Great article.
This is the mentality that I have now and it sure makes life simple.
All you have to do is look at the world around you and see what you
have created and understand that you are in charge.
As my favorite author of abundance Arnold Patent stated “all I see is me”.
The value you add to the world is reflected back to you.
If you appreciate the abundance around you it will grow.
When you appreciate something it gets larger.
When you give to others you are experiencing abundance.
Bill
February 4th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Awsome story and the ideas expressed are right on, I can say from experience.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Please elaborate on the “your environment being a function of you” part, I would love to hear it.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
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February 4th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Hey man, people need to hear more of this stuff — I bet if you keep it up you’ll get some good response. It’s really tempting in this town to lose perspective or keep on the same old track, and having someone spice up a critique of the Republic with tales of money, love, and omnipotence is pretty awesome regardless of context.
February 4th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
[...] How I Landed A $50/hr Side Gig With Very Little Effort & How It Relates To Picking Up Chicks « …zacharyburt.com [...]
February 4th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
…Crystalizes some thoughts of mine. Thank you!
February 4th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I loved how you stayed present and focused on listening in the interview. I look forward to more of your posts.
February 4th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Nice! You’ve harnessed it and become it and now it flows through you. Thanks for sharing ’cause sometimes we all forget. Keep writing – put it all out there, trust us – we need to hear more.
February 4th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
lucid and insightful. i sum it up for myself as “don’t be full of shit”. how’s that for philosophical maturity? thank you for sharing the personal deconstructions – when done with this level of candor and deft analysis, we all benefit.
February 4th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Excellent post. I would like to see you write more about almost every tangent included. Most especially though, how “human interaction is more about subtle social signals than words”.
February 5th, 2010 at 12:53 am
[...] Full story: http://www.zacharyburt.com/2010/02/how-i-landed-a-50hr-side-gig-with-very-little-effort-how-it-relat... [...]
February 5th, 2010 at 7:08 am
Great job. You packed a lot of concepts into that post, but it all fit together well. I’m impressed. I needed the reminder that “Other people are only projections of your own consciousness. If you are not a friend to everyone then you are not a friend to yourself.”
I’m so glad you got home from CGW and found some success right away. That makes me smile.
February 5th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
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February 5th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
A lot of this is about freestyle improvisation, maintaining an eloquent flow of communication in the moment.
February 6th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
i’d agree. i’d love to hear more of what you think about that topic
February 6th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
February 6th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
thanks jay. i will write a post about that. subscribe to my rss feed to be notified!
February 6th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
thanks for the praise, and the excellent style
February 6th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
meditation is helping me too. and i will continue to write. thanks for the encouragement, it’s fantastic
February 6th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
focusing on listening is something i endeavor to improve on in all my social interaction
February 6th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
OK!
February 6th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
Interesting contrast with personal pricing/women. I have to agree that “confidence” is relative to your ability to create your own world.
February 7th, 2010 at 7:07 am
Hey Zack,
Thanks for an extremely good post. It touched me on a profound level. Not so much because of the ‘getting a job’ stuff but your general view of life, self-love and projecting consciousness.
It feels extra relevant to me at this point because last year, after a painful break-up and subsequent soul searching, I ended up in a state where I woke up every morning ready to give, serve and make a difference for others. Naturally, this came with me being able to attract virtually any woman, and become friends with whoever I’d meet.
Now, however, I’ve moved and lost my previous social context and my feeling of abundance isn’t there anymore. I’d be interested in how you nurture your value-giving and self-love?
Best
Jonas
February 11th, 2010 at 6:33 am
Awesome writing dude…like your style. Would like to see future blog posts on ALL the aforementioned topics.
February 11th, 2010 at 6:48 am
I'll definitely write about this next
February 11th, 2010 at 11:48 am
I'll definitely write about this next
February 15th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
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May 6th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
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